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How have we ended up with Donald Trump? What have we, the US, the world done to deserve him? It started off as a joke. It’s no joke now. It’s deadly serious.
Of all the brilliant, talented, creative, and wise people in America how has he climbed to the top of the pile? Latest figures show that the population of America is approximately 326, 492, 060 now. It’s hard to believe that from this huge number the people of America have ended up with the lousy choice they now have.
What kind of role model is this man for the children of the world? This presidential election and the level of the personal backbiting the candidates have applied debases the concept of intelligent political debate. Surely the status of this powerful country will be lowered while the rest of the world looks on in amazement? With Trump on one side of the world and Kim Jong-un at the other with Putin in the middle, the world seems a genuinely scary place.
Of course only the wealthy, or those who can attract wealth, can rise to the top in the US. The exposure to press criticism may well also have a bearing. A leader has to be courageous to put their opinions on the line in this era of political correctness – and terrorism. There are few previous leaders of any nation whose private life would have stood up to the sort of scrutiny that today’s leaders face.
And now there is fierce back-biting in the UK Government, the focus of which seems to offer little to the stability of this country. And again, there is knee-jerk response rather than intelligent discussion of the issues.
So I woke this morning reflecting on two moments in my life where I experienced leadership. The first was when I observed a leader who was able to guide a group across rapids and waterfalls in Mexico. He was a Shaman, Mario, showing us the Mayan tombs and surrounding areas. A youngish man (to me!), probably in his forties, with a quiet presence. Indeed, the only Shaman I met on the trip for whom I gained respect. He was a slight man with a pony tail. And all he said to us, quietly, was to follow his footsteps as precisely as we could and to help one another. Just these two things, said with enough conviction that each one of us heard him.
We were a motley crew. Most of us well over forty years old, some with cardiac problems and bypasses, others who had recently had hip replacements, and more. But we took care of one another on the journey across the mountain pools, helped the weaker ones to climb up the rocks to the next pool or held their hand to ensure they didn’t slip on the edge of the waterfall. Mario said nothing more to us and gently balanced his way along the precarious stones and through the waters. There was no shouting, no motivational speech. He simply generated in us a sense of trust that he knew where he was going and he knew how to take us there. It was impressive.
The second time was when I participated in a horse-whispering leadership day. I have ridden all my life but this was something different. I was shown into a large indoor ring and a black pony was released into the ring with me. My instruction was to encourage the horse to follow me. And I felt lost – why should he? I had no halter, no sugar lump and no means of reaching this result in a way that I would previously have adopted. I wasn’t allowed to touch him other than to stroke him and talk with him.
The first thing he did was trot to the corner of the ring where there was an open stable door. He stood and looked outside to the field beyond. I felt a complete idiot: how was I supposed to tempt him back, I wondered?
So I went to him and, as the actions of the horse were reputedly a mirror metaphor of my own experience, I could see exactly why he had gone there. Both he and I would rather have been outside, free, and in that field!
So now what? I fiddled around with him, walking hesitantly in one direction or another. He looked totally disinterested and stayed exactly where he was.
“Do you know where you want him to go?” the leadership facilitator asked me. Aha! Now there was a clue. I hadn’t thought about where I might take him. “If you don’t know where you’re going then why should he follow you?”
Suddenly I got it. The concept of the inner energy that Mario had in taking us across the waterfalls. The inner certainty of where I wanted this horse to go in the ring. I could feel my body language changing as that sense of direction came into my mind, emotion and physiology. I stood taller, opened my shoulders, changed my breathing away from doubt and took a determined step forward. He followed! Wow, was that exciting! And then he followed me around the ring, in figures of eight, on to trot and reverse. Why should he have done? I wasn’t rewarding him with titbits of a bonus but nonetheless the bond we created worked.
In both these moments there was much that was non-verbal. When I had doubt or fear or was unclear about where I was going the horse did not follow me. He didn’t trust me, and with good reason. When I was clear and confident, he did. Mario knew this and he kept us safe that day with his inner energy.
We are all leaders in our own way – in our own lives, in our families, at work. So, as I go forward into retirement, I shall need to remind myself of this clarity, confidence and sense of direction. In the meantime, I shall hope that Americans do not follow the angry energy of Mr Donald Trump.
I write this in the midst of a transition point in my life. I have just passed on my business Positiveworks (www.positiveworks.com) to Sixth Sense Consulting (www.sixthsenseconsulting.co.uk) with a view to retiring from coaching. I am thinking I shall enjoy more time to write (see www.babyboomerpoetry.com ), play, be with my grandchildren, walk in the park and smell the daisies. And yet there is a question lurking that unnerves me. Is this what I shall, indeed, enjoy? Shall I miss the work focus? At the moment I am looking forward to it and delighted that Chris Welford and Jackie Sykes of Sixth Sense are taking my business forward: a real legacy. In a year’s time, though, might I be looking for something else to fill my time, I wonder? Perhaps I have to admit that this is somewhat of an identity crisis!
What shall I respond to that query “and what do you do?” Who am I now? I have worked with this question for many years with coaching clients at transition points in life and career. It is my turn.
I have done transformation before. My friends comment on my ability to recreate myself in many new guises and yet moving into the later stage of life is a poignant moment. More things behind than in front. Fears about health, wealth. Not wanting to outstay one’s welcome and usefulness. Hoping that one’s partner will accept the foibles of older age. Hoping that there will still be many things ahead that will create that sense of wonder in the natural world, things to be curious about, to laugh about.
Life has transformed since my childhood in the 1950s. Those days seem now such an age of innocence and naivety. There is so much to be grateful for today in the developments of health, technology, ability to travel the world, resources available for those who are disabled, equal opportunity. As a woman I can see that there is nothing theoretically stopping a girl today achieving whatever she wants – other than her own self-doubt and the subliminal messages that girls still get about their abilities. I heard Dame Carol Black, former President of the Royal College of Physicians, on Desert Island Discs recently. She said that her key message to girls is “go for it”. I would echo that. There have been so many times when I have felt nervous but have been nudged by someone to try something I didn’t feel confident to achieve.
I would also echo strongly Dame Carol Black’s comment that women do not have to lead in the same way as men. One of the things that still saddens me is how many of my female clients in business feel themselves to be somehow ‘wrong’ in their approach because they can’t (and why should they?) carry out their role in the same way that their male bosses and colleagues do. I hope that they and my granddaughters can grow to be confident that their way is just fine and that it is this precise difference that is their strength. The world needs balancing, the yin and the yang, so that women’s voices and perspectives have equal parity with those of men in families, business and government.
I therefore leave the world of work a changed person to the timid girl I was when I started as a secretary in publishing. I feel happy that I carved out my career and have helped others to do the same. And now I have to carve out my retirement and be willing to leave the reins in younger hands than mine. To those who have more energy.
One thing I have learnt from my clients and friends who are and have been retiring is that it is important to leave a space for the transformation. Not to rush into some activity just because there is a space but to allow a period of rest and spaciousness, the creative gap into which something might (or might not!) flow. I feel a sense of anticipation that, just as other periods of my life have surprised me, there will be something that pops in now that will again both surprise and delight. I am looking forward to discovering other aspects of myself that have been dormant or have not yet surfaced. I know, as one of that big group of ‘Baby Boomers’ born after World War 2, that many of you will be going through similar experiences alongside me. Perhaps we can journey together.