I read recently that schools are having to accommodate children in multiple different rooms in order to complete their exams because these children have a fear of being in a large exam room with other children. This is cumbersome in so many ways – separate invigilators, finding sufficient rooms for the number of students, etc. It must be expensive and complicated to organise, but does it actually help each student to acclimatize themselves to the rigours of life which will inevitably, at some stage and in some situation, make them feel uncomfortable and anxious? Obviously, there are special cases, but the numbers involved seem to suggest this is becoming the norm and I question how helpful it is in building their resilience in the long term.
When I was training in Cognitive-Behavioural Coaching we were trained in the method of Exposure Theory – eg that if you expose yourself to the thing you are frightened of, step by step your anxiety will reduce as the situation becomes normalised. For example, if someone has a fear of lifts they are encouraged to just step into a lift for a short time, then gradually for a longer time and then take it to the first floor and prove to themselves that they can manage it, however difficult it is. Nothing catastrophic happens to them and they are taught to maintain a calming thought to support their action. As Shakespeare said, “there is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so”. Eventually they will be able to go to the 20th floor, or wherever they need to end up. It may never be their favourite activity, but they can manage it.
Many of us have experienced the fear of giving our first presentation to a group. I can certainly remember this vividly when I was doing my Postgraduate Diploma in Personnel Management at Thames Valley University. We had to present an aspect of a report to our group. I was 42 years old but had never stood up in front of people before and was terrified. It went ok. Not brilliant but I didn’t fluff too many lines and got reasonable feedback. Bit by bit I developed some confidence and, with the inevitable ups and downs of some sessions going better than others, I was able to convince myself to carry on to the next presentation, and so on. In the end, as many of you know, I ran my business, Positiveworks, and stood up facilitating training sessions to senior executives and others around the world – and loved it.
By accommodating the pupils’ anxieties regarding exams, the schools are not enabling this kind of exposure theory, or habituation, to work to normalise a situation that the majority of us find frightening. And yet, as the years go by we get used to it as we have to go on to A levels, university, college or professional qualifications. Most of the time we don’t enjoy taking exams, or taking them in a large room full of other people, but, like so many challenges we face in life, we do gradually get used to it and try to make the best of it. Some will deal with it better than others and that is life. What one person thrives at another may not, and vice versa. Such is the wonderful diversity of the world.
I have written about the absolute logic of being socially anxious when we are young. We have not been in a multitude of situations, nor had to interact with people outside our family, friends or school. Meeting new people outside of these circles is bound to be frightening, and many of us continue to have anxiety of networking at conferences or entering a friend’s party on one’s own well into adult life. I for one can certainly relate to this. The important thing is to silence the doubtful or catastrophising mind that says “I can’t stand it” or “everything will go wrong” or “I can’t think in this situation” or “the lift is going to plummet to the ground and I’ll die” or whatever. We can train our mind to override our unhelpful or irrational thoughts and fears to support our emotional ability to undertake whatever activity we face. We may not wish to do any of these things but we may be obliged to do so and, particularly when we can understand the benefit, we have to push through. We can build thoughts that support constructive emotions and behaviours – “I’d rather I was confident in this situation but I can manage it anyway” or “I’d rather I was taking an exam in a private room but I can manage it anyway and do my best”.
I believe it is essential also to expose children and young adults to views that differ from their own and encourage them to be curious about those views rather than choosing to be offended by them. We seem to be entering a parallel universe of the law where one person’s subjective ‘offence’ ends up with another person losing their job, their reputation and even ending up behind bars. (I am not talking here about inciting hatred or violence, which certainly is protected by the law, but merely about having an opposing viewpoint.) The tendency to label another person as ‘wrong’ or intending harm for offering another or opposite opinion to their own is limiting conversation and certainly limiting creativity. So many innovations have been arrived at by someone seeing something in a completely new and different way to the norm. If the younger generations do not feel able to express an idea or opinion for fear of criticism or worse, then problem-solving capabilities are reduced. People are talking about diversity being such a great thing but are, by silencing diversity of opinion, effectively stifling creative brainstorming.
Teaching the process of debate could ease this problem – where a student has to argue a point from all angles. This can often lead to a greater understanding of all the subtleties and issues within a situation or problem. It pushes our thinking beyond the norm and makes us do something we are uncomfortable with in the process.
AI has given me this definition of Exposure Therapy: “Exposure therapy is designed to help individuals confront their fears and reduce anxiety by gradually exposing them to feared situations, objects, or memories in a safe and controlled environment. It aims to break the cycle of avoidance that often perpetuates anxiety disorders.” I am pretty happy with this explanation and I suspect every one of us reading this has been in a position where we felt nervous the first time we did something – whether it is taking an exam, making a presentation, driving a car or whatever – and yet each time we repeated that activity we acclimatised ourselves to it. It became normal as our brain’s pathways learnt to manage the situation or skill and in this the mind reassured the emotion that we could push through and learn to be more comfortable within the situation.
I don’t think we are doing young people any favours by ensuring that they always feel ‘comfortable’ or by over-protecting them. Of course, there will be exceptional circumstances where this is necessary but reading about the numbers involved in schools it is hard to accept that all those require or would benefit from special attention.
Life is tough. Here I am in my seventies and still facing new situations and challenges. Even now I have to talk myself through to the “I can do this” position. Let’s help students build that resilience for life too.
For further reading on this subject:
Cognitive-Behavioural Coaching Techniques for Dummies by Helen Whitten
One Response
Couldn’t agree more, Helen. How do I persuade you to run for Prime Minister? Or, maybe Education Secretary? In the long run, we don’t help young people by treating them as fragile (like cut glass, which breaks if dropped onto a hard surface). The first stage should be help them develop resilience (like a plastic tumbler that bounces if dropped – tho’ is not strengthened by the experience). The final stage is to help them to develop ‘anti-fragility’ (like a tree, which grows stronger in response to being exposed to strong winds; or our immune system, which is strengthened by exposure to germs). A willingness to expose ourselves to challenging situations, where success is not guaranteed and to treat these as opportunities for learning and growth, is the only way to develop the ‘anti-fragility’ required to face life’s challenges and adventures.