It’s day 10 of feeling totally pole-axed. I have never experienced such utter fatigue in my life before. But of course they are not testing you, unless you are Prince Charles or some celebrity, so I don’t know if I have Covid-19 or not. But I suspect I have.
It started with a cough and a relatively mild set of symptoms. After a few days I started to feel aches in my joints and muscles and my temperature went up. At that stage, though, I felt well enough to potter about the house, call friends and family, and do the ironing.
It was last Sunday when things turned for the worse with my temperature going up further, shivers, coughing, aches and dizziness. But I don’t mean sick enough for me to go to hospital. No, just to feel totally isolated from any kind of medical help because 111, whom we had phoned when David showed his first symptoms, told us just to stay at home. Then when I tried to call just to check out my own worsening symptoms, I hung on for nearly 2 hours but gave up. Our GP surgery just refers us to 111 so there is no back-up. This leaves one feeling alone in more ways than one, with far less medical support than one would normally have. I don’t envy those who have conditions that need attention.
But of course I see that it is those who have major breathing difficulties who must get priority. The rest of us who are merely staggering from bed to bathroom with no energy even to even pick up the phone to a friend, must wait to get better. Hopefully. And I am one of the lucky ones as I have a doctor in the house. He can’t cure my symptoms but he does a good job of bringing me soup and cups of tea. My heart goes out to those in the NHS caring for the critically sick.
What has been marvellous, though, has been the kindness and care of our sons. We have six between us! Every day there is a call asking for a progress report on our symptoms, how we are doing, whether we have enough food, whether we are going nuts yet. As a parent it is such a special feeling to experience the tide turning as the young look after us and ensure our wellbeing.
When the self-isolation factor first started to hit home I felt incredibly sad. My son called and I sobbed down the line about how much I would miss my lovely cosy times with them and with the grandchildren, the school runs, the bath times, the outings, the sleepovers. Patiently and kindly he talked me through it “Mum we want you there for their 16th birthdays… this is just a few weeks. Try to think long-term.” It’s lovely to feel that they really don’t want us to peg out, even though several of my own generation feel we would sacrifice our own lives for the financial wellbeing of our offspring.
Atal Guwande in his book Being Mortal said that it helps to have daughters as one gets older. I feel much comforted by the care our sons have shown us in these last few days, including delightful bouquets for Mother’s Day, dropping off soup and bread and tasty delights on our doorstep. Daily calls and FaceTime with the children. It’s like receiving a giant hug from both our families.
Neighbours also have been extraordinarily kind and generous. Our immediate neighbour dropped off homemade pasta sauce, muffins and fruit, another friend some delicious cake, other friends ask frequently whether we need any provisions at the shops. We are blessed to live in Layton Place where there is such a strong sense of community.
Luckily Ocado has delivered for us and will be doing so again this Friday. Not sure how it will go after that as when they first started their online queuing system, I would find myself at the end of a queue of 6500 but when I looked today the queue was 27,500! But hopefully some of those people who have been laid off in the hospitality industry can now be redeployed to help with deliveries.
It is those who live alone who most concern me. It takes a lot of determination and creativity to amuse oneself and not allow spirits to drop into despondency and loneliness. I hope friends and family will keep calling them as we are, indeed, so very unfamiliar with our own company in a world where we have been able to pop out for a coffee, a sandwich, a walk, a gallery, a movie… and now we have none of those things to call on.
I thought David and I might amuse ourselves with a jigsaw puzzle – little did I realize that most of the jigsaw puzzles on Amazon would already be sold out. Great minds! I just long to have enough energy even to do a bit of adult colouring. Right now I can do nothing but sleep and cough.
The annoying thing is that I had just joined the Vitality Health policy which includes incentives to keep fit via points towards an Apple watch, special discounts at Virgin Active. For the first time since we moved to Kew I was really enjoying going to Virgin Active in Chiswick Park and working out and swimming. And now I am ill and can hardly move. How frustrating. However, as this bug removes all hint of an appetite then at least I should not be putting on weight. Hopefully once it lifts David and I will be able to revert to some home exercising.
I may feel sorry for myself right now because I am ill but it is the young I really worry about. Their careers and financial wellbeing have been thrown into complete disarray as the world comes to a halt. Thank heaven for technology and all it can do to keep companies operational, for teams to continue to meet online and carry out their work remotely. We shall need everyone to be ready to get up and running again once this period is over.
I wonder how my grandchildren will remember this time. They are used to such an active life of friends and activities in comparison to our own childhood. And I certainly don’t envy parents trying to encourage their children to sit down and home school. What a task!
We shall get through it all, no doubt, but there will be loss and tragedy in the midst of survival. And we shall be changed at the end of it. It makes our world even smaller and more integrated. Now, as well as a butterfly flapping its wing in Brazil potentially causing a hurricane in Florida, we shall also have to watch out for unsavoury practices in any small market of the world and be aware that it could wipe us all out. Each one of us as individuals holds a responsibility for the wellbeing of others throughout the world. We shall, I think, learn more about global love, compassion and care, hopefully. And about grit and determination. And probably creativity. Keep well everyone.
Hey – that sounds bloody rough. Given that you are feeling so dreadful, it’s a testament to your brilliant writing skills that this is such a good, if upsetting, read. Wishing you a speedy recovery. Chris x
Thanks Chris x
Dear Helen, all my sympathy!
This is close to home.
Dear Helen, I’m really sorry to hear that you and David have been so unwell. Please do phone me if I can be of any help to you both. Get well soon, Gina xx
Thanks for everyone’s kind words. Keep well. Hx
I am so sorry that you feel so poorly. Sending you lots of love and healing thoughts xxx much love Xxx
Helen! As always a beautifully written piece – Sending you and David massive hugs and tons of get well soon messages x
Very sorry for you. Now that it’s three days since you wrote, I hope that progress is showing by now – with “a vengeance”.
With best wishes for a speedy recovery.
Oh no! Poor you Helen. Much sympathy to you both. Amazing in the circumstances you have managed to write your blog.
You must be on the mend. I hope so anyway. All love, Robin x
Writing is my therapy but each time I begin to feel a bit better I go backwards. It’s time it went!
Thinking of you and David. Do hope you feel better soon!
Thanks Pat. Keep well. Helenx
As per usual you just nailed it. Fantastic observations. I do hope you get better soon. No more sobbing down the phone – we need your observation and creative thought so clocking off is not an option! Get well soon. C x
Goodness Helen I had no idea you have been so ill. So very sorry but glad you are slowly recovering.
I am so glad also you have had support from family and kind neighbours. We are all thinking of you and sending much love. Good news now is hopefully you have immunity…
Much love Liz and Roger
It seems perverse to say what a pleasure it was to read this blog when you are describing the awful symptoms of Covid-19. Why pleasure then? First, because you seem to be on the mend and are not one of those poor people one sees on TV wreathed in oxygen tubes, and second because of the solidarity you have experience from sons, neighbours and friends – and not least the soup served up by David. And your lovely writing – with your ability to turn an interesting thought without being sententious. There, I have finished – writing on my phone which I hate, because my fat fat for fingers make so many mistakes. Get well soon.!
Thankyou George! What kind things to say. Keep well xx
Sorry to hear you’re ill, Helen.
Wishing you a quick recovery!
Dear Helen – and David,
I always look forward to your wise words, and even more at this time. Your posts always seem to resonate with vague feelings I have but never seem to put into such concentrated and thought-out opinions. Long may you continue.
Much love to you both – sitting here in over-70s isolation, I almost wish I could get the virus (and survive!) so I could get out of the house and support others who are still in lock-down – and hug the grand-children.
I await your next post and to hear that you are feeling much better.
I’m sorry you are so ill. How you manage to write such a thoughtful piece while ill is wonderful. I hope both of you speed towards full recovery as soon as possible. Let us know on your next blog how you are doing. xx
Helen, I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a horrific time with the virus,
I can’t believe that you can still write such a brilliant blog, while you are feeling so dreadful.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.
So sorry you have been so rough. Charlie has had a rotten feverish cold but no cough at all so we don’t know whether he has had it or not. I had a very slight cough but no other symptoms at all so it is a mystery. Get better soon and look forward to normal times xx
Helen – hope you feel better soon and sending best wishes to both of you, Monica x
So sorry to hear you and David have been very unwell. We both send our love and best wishes. Suex